It's December 18.
It still doesn't feel like Christmas.
I could say that this is because my mother decided not to really get in the groove until December 21 for as long as I can remember... I asked her about this the last time I saw her. She said that at some early point in my 35 years I had lamented to her that I didn't like the fact that my birthday, December, you guessed it, 20, was often overshadowed by the biggest holiday of the year. Her, obviously logical option, was to postpone any christmas festivities like trimming a tree and lights until after my birthday. I would say WTF, but I feel like this warrants the extra effort of typing it all out. What the Fuck.
I have a demented mother. I have been close to saying that to her face, but it can't be the spawning of much good, so I do my best to keep it to myself.
In spite of this, I have maintained a potent yearning for the imagined warmth that I feel Christmas should have. Not the commercialism. Not the hype. Not the hollywood attempts to entertain, though I do like The Santa Clause. The true Christmas spirit, by my definition, of being with people you love and reaching out to them in very meaningful ways. I've held hopes of fulfilling my, somewhat ambiguous ideas of Christmas until the past couple of years.
Recently, I've been cold. Feelingless. It is December 18 and I've not really felt a moment of happiness that it's Christmas. That said, I'm in a really good place in life. I would go as far as to say that I'm happy. I'm in as good a situation as I see I could be. I'm not dissatisfied with life. It's just that I'm spending another Christmas, another year, without as much deep meaningful relationship in my life. Part of me wants to succumb to the numbness that seems to be exhibited around me. Part of me watches the same movies and tries to feel something more. I want to put my arm around her. I want to share what I feel with her. I want a friend who can see what I've worked to be and why it has taken so much to achieve my seemingly unimpressive level of mediocrity.
I wish the best for my friends and those around me. I wish the best for the people I've met. The people I have had meaningful interaction with. I wish you a Merry Christmas. I wish a merry Christmas to the ones I will meet. The ones I will love. I hope you are well this Christmas.
And to all of the above, I wish the best of the season.
Merry Christmas
It still doesn't feel like Christmas.
I could say that this is because my mother decided not to really get in the groove until December 21 for as long as I can remember... I asked her about this the last time I saw her. She said that at some early point in my 35 years I had lamented to her that I didn't like the fact that my birthday, December, you guessed it, 20, was often overshadowed by the biggest holiday of the year. Her, obviously logical option, was to postpone any christmas festivities like trimming a tree and lights until after my birthday. I would say WTF, but I feel like this warrants the extra effort of typing it all out. What the Fuck.
I have a demented mother. I have been close to saying that to her face, but it can't be the spawning of much good, so I do my best to keep it to myself.
In spite of this, I have maintained a potent yearning for the imagined warmth that I feel Christmas should have. Not the commercialism. Not the hype. Not the hollywood attempts to entertain, though I do like The Santa Clause. The true Christmas spirit, by my definition, of being with people you love and reaching out to them in very meaningful ways. I've held hopes of fulfilling my, somewhat ambiguous ideas of Christmas until the past couple of years.
Recently, I've been cold. Feelingless. It is December 18 and I've not really felt a moment of happiness that it's Christmas. That said, I'm in a really good place in life. I would go as far as to say that I'm happy. I'm in as good a situation as I see I could be. I'm not dissatisfied with life. It's just that I'm spending another Christmas, another year, without as much deep meaningful relationship in my life. Part of me wants to succumb to the numbness that seems to be exhibited around me. Part of me watches the same movies and tries to feel something more. I want to put my arm around her. I want to share what I feel with her. I want a friend who can see what I've worked to be and why it has taken so much to achieve my seemingly unimpressive level of mediocrity.
I wish the best for my friends and those around me. I wish the best for the people I've met. The people I have had meaningful interaction with. I wish you a Merry Christmas. I wish a merry Christmas to the ones I will meet. The ones I will love. I hope you are well this Christmas.
And to all of the above, I wish the best of the season.
Merry Christmas
